Advice for Couples

For some women it's like a bad record that keeps playing over and over again. Maybe it's like this for you too. Your man lies and maybe even cheats. You agree to take him back and give him one more chance.  But then the half-truths, the secretiveness, the evasiveness and the defensiveness from him begin yet again. You may even catch him in more lies-- "little" ones or more significant deceptions. You are left wondering if you can believe anything at all that comes out of his mouth.

Yet...  You continue to take him back. Even with little or no trust left between you two, you can't seem to walk away from this relationship. (If you want a way to find out the truth once and for all, get our "Where There's Smoke There's Fire: How to Tell If Your Man's a Cheating Liar" at http://www.IsYourManALiar.com.

Whether you are holding out hope that one day your man will change for the better or if the good times that you two share make you temporarily forget the painful and conflict-ridden moments, the effect is the same:

You keep getting sucked back in to this relationship and his lies.

There are a lot of reasons why women tend to get sucked back in to a relationship that simply is not healthy or desirable in its current state.

Sometimes it's low self esteem and feeling unworthy of a great relationship. Other times, it's what the women were brought up to see as the only way men treat women.Yet other times, women believe that this man is their sole chance for love--they have to put up with the lies and cheating or they'll end up alone.

While we understand how reasons like these develop and become fixed, none of them are necessarily true. Nobody has to live in a relationship with tension, lies, cheating and discontent.

If you're ready to get out of this cycle of being lied to and getting hurt over and over again, it's time for you to make a change. Stop relying on your man to change. You can make changes whether you decide to stay in this relationship or leave it.

Those changes can help you finally have the love and connection that you want and deserve. Make the decision that you deserve better. For right now, you don't need to make a final decision about whether to continue in this relationship or to breakup. What we advise you to do first is to affirm to yourself that you deserve something better than what you have right now.

Set aside your situation with your man for the time being and, instead, focus in on yourself. Answer the questions below on a piece of paper or in your journal. It's time to get very honest with yourself about your thoughts, beliefs and expectations.

*Do you feel worthy of the kind of relationship you truly desire?
*How do you really believe you should be treated by your partner?
*Do you ever think to yourself that you are not attractive enough, smart enough or good enough for the kind of man you'd really like to be with?
*How do you expect a man will treat a woman in a love relationship or marriage?
*How do you expect a woman will treat a man in a love relationship or marriage?

Take a few minutes to read over what you wrote. Were you at all surprised by your responses?

What are the beliefs that you have-- that you may not have admitted to before-- that might set you up to be deceived, disrespected and lied to in your love relationship or marriage?

Create a manifesto for you. No matter how long you've held beliefs that don't support you having the kind of relationship you want, you CAN make changes for the better.

It all starts when you declare that you ARE worthy of being loved, cared for and treated with respect and honesty. It all starts when you create a manifesto for you. A manifesto is a statement of your intentions and objectives. What do you want for your life, your relationship and what is most important to you?

When you create a manifesto for you, it sends out the message loud and clear that you ARE worthy and deserving of a close, connected, passionate and trust-filled relationship. You don't even have to read this manifesto to your partner--unless you choose to. What is most important is that you put in writing a declaration of your worth for specifically what you want.

Get out another piece of paper or turn to another page in your journal and write your manifesto for you down now. Let your manifesto guide you.

Let us be clear here: We aren't telling you to leave your man or to stay with him. This is a decision that you need to make.

It will be so much clearer to you what your next move will be when you have a strong foundation of self-respect, self-love and an outline of what you care most about-- which is what the manifesto for you can provide.

Keep that manifesto somewhere that you can easily read it and re-read it.

When you do talk with your partner, know that you do deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. Remember, this is a two-way street.

You can maintain your sense of self-respect even more if you are honest about what you want and what you will and will not do when communicating with your man.

This might mean that you stop tolerating his half-truths or evasiveness. It might also mean that you request that he enter into couples' counseling with you.

It could mean that you decide to privately get more information and follow up on some of your man's claims if they sound suspicious to you. It might also mean that you decide that enough is enough.

Know that you can have the kind of love relationship or marriage that you've always wanted. It may be with this man, or it may happen at some later date with a different man.

Stay tuned in to you and remember that you deserve to be happy, loved and respected. 

By Susie & Otto Collins